It Takes Two to Tango
by Sailor Androm3da
Summary: The school talent show's coming up, but Calvin's not in the mood to join. But when Dad sees the show as another plot to build Calvin's character, he signs him up for dance lessons! What's a kid to do? Find out in this charming original story!
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

It was a beautiful spring day. Calvin and Hobbes were rolling down the hill in Calvin's wagon.

"How was your day at school?" asked Hobbes

"The usual. Failed a math quiz, got beaten up by Moe, and so on."

"Nothing out of the ordinary?"

"Well, our school talent show's coming up, but I'm not in it. Talent shows don't _show _talent, it _suppresses _talent. We're only allowed to sing, dance, or play a musical instrument. Last year, I burped to the tune of "Red River Valley" and got disqualified for "vulgar use of gas."'

"Maybe you could try playing the drums. You love to beat stuff up"

"And get a reaction back. Besides, I don't know how to play"

Calvin and Hobbes rolled home in the wagon. When they went inside, Calvin's dad approached Calvin.

"Heard about your school having a talent show"

"Yeah, but I don't want to be in it"

"Why not? Talent shows bring out the creative and passionate side of you while having the crowd clap you on. It builds character."

"For crying out loud, I don't want to build character! Remember the baseball thing? I got a bloody nose!"

"That was just by accident. Come on, Calvin, just try. I _did _sign you up for dance lessons."

"What? Oh, that's just perfect!"

"Now go upstairs and get dressed, you leave for class in about an hour."

Calvin marched up the stairs angrily. In his room, he kicked stuff around and growled into his pillow.

"Why so aggressive?" Hobbes wondered

"Dad signed me up for the talent show AND he wants me to take dance lessons!"

"Gee, and with short notice."

"Can you come with me, Hobbes? If I'm going to be embarrassed in a leotard, I want my best friend there to scoop up the remaining pieces of my dignity"

"I guess."

After Calvin got dressed, he and Hobbes went downstairs and got into the car. They drove off into town. On their way to the studio, they drove by the comic book store.

"Can I go to the comic book store, dad? I can just re-enact scenes from issue #509 of Captain Napalm for the talent show."

"I didn't pay fifty dollars for dance lessons to have you pretend to fly and shoot lasers at imaginary monsters. You're dancing and that's final."

At the dance studio, Calvin met his new dance instructor.

"Bonjour. My name is Pierre la Shance. I am your new dance instructor."

"Be still, my heart" mumbled Calvin

"First, we start with leg lifts. Lift them up in time to the music!"

Pierre pressed play on a boom box. Can-Can music started to play. Calvin tried as hard as he could to lift his legs up, but they were too small and stumpy.

"Keep trying, boy! Use those lee-tle muscles!"

Calvin tried harder, but he ended up spinning around in a frenzy, knocking down everything...even Pierre!

"Arrete! Arrete! I cannot work with this lee-tle troublemaker! Go see the other dance instructor next door, she'll probably tame this lee-tle snip!"

On the way across the street, Calvin's dad was super angry. "Why did you mess up? All you had to do was lift your legs in time to the music, and you ended up going on a rampage!"

"It's not my fault, dad! He was too creepy! I couldn't concentrate with creepers around!"

"Creepers or not, you're going to learn to dance!"

"Rats"


	2. Chapter 2: Dance Lessons

Calvin and his dad went to the other dance instructor next door. When they opened the door, Calvin could not believe his eyes! The other dance instructor was Rosalyn!

"Oh no" they both said when they saw each other.

Calvin made a break for the door, but his dad followed close behind and grab his legs as Calvin was trying to open the door.

"AAAAAUGH! NO! NO! NEVER! NOT ROSALYN! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

Calvin's dad finally pried Calvin loose and left the studio. Rosalyn immediately started to lay down the rules "There will be no horsing, no breaks, no-"

"Look, lady" snarled Calvin "We're not at my house. I don't have to listen to anything you say! Me and Hobbes are going to be over there, planning our escape. See ya!"

Just as he started to walk away, Rosalyn grabbed him by the collar "Listen, you little fungus, I'm in charge here. I'm doing whatever it takes to pay for my college tuition, so just zip your lip and get moving!"

Calvin stood in the middle of the studio while Rosalyn turned on the stereo. Jazzy rock music began to play.

"First step, put your left foot forward, your right foot backward, hands in the air, then put them down."

Calvin did what Rosalyn said, he put his left foot forwards and his right backwards, but when he tried to lift his arms up, he fell down.

"Get up, kid. I wanna see some real energy here, not some tiny punk looking like a porkchop!"

Calvin's face turned red.

For four weeks, Calvin went to the dance studio, attempted to run off, fail, and then get schooled by Rosalyn. Finally, it was the day of the talent show. On the bus, Susie was talking to Calvin.

"So, Calvin, what are _YOU _doing for the talent show? More 'Soda Pop Opera?'"

"Those days are over, Susie" snapped Calvin "Me and Hobbes are doing something so sophisticated it'll blow your feminine mind!"

"Well, I'm doing a ballet routine I learned from that nice dance instructor, Rosalyn."

"Don't be fooled by her gentle appearance, Susie. She's a cold-blooded kid-hater!"

"You're just jealous that I can do a full pirouette."

"I don't even want to talk to you anymore" Calvin growled.

That night, all the parents were in the school auditorium. Miss Wormwood was up at the microphone.

"Good evening, ladies and gentleman. Welcome to our first-annual school talent competition. Our first act today is Susie Derkins ballet dancing to Swan Lake."

There was a loud applause. The curtains opened, and there was Susie in her tutu, looking very confident. The music started, and she hopped and twirled around. All that time, the whole audience "ooed" and "ahhed" as she wowed them. Calvin was backstage with his dad.

"Remember what Rosalyn taught you. Don't let me down, son."

Calvin looked pale.

When Susie was done, the whole audience cheered and whistled.

"Beat that" she spat as she walked by Calvin.

While the other acts played, Calvin slipped off the stage and snuck behind the sound crew's setup at the back of the auditorium, and replaced his dance's CD with another one. He and Hobbes got back onto the stage.

"What was on that disc you replaced the other one with?" asked Hobbes.

"You'll see" snickered Calvin.

After the next act, Miss Wormwood got back up at the microphone.

"Our next act is Calvin doing a jazz dance to "Stroke on the Highway No. 3."

The audience applauded. Calvin's parents were looking nervous.

"Are you sure he's ready for something like this, dear?" asked Calvin's mom.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he's going to do good."

The curtains opened, and there was Calvin dressed in his Stupendous Man suit. The whole crowd buzzed with confusion. The sound crew inserted Calvin's disc, and superhero music began.

Calvin took out at toy ray gun and clicked the trigger.

"Stay back, Mucus-Man! Or I shall blow you up with my atomic particle gun!"

He jumped up and ran all around, making funny noises and shouting whatnot. Calvin's parents were shocked!

"What is he doing?" gasped Dad.

"Get him off the stage!" yelled Miss Wormwood.

Calvin continued prance around, pretending to shoot his gun. Eventually, his dad came on and dragged him off the stage by his cape. The music stopped, and the curtains fell.

Back home, Calvin was in deep trouble. He was grounded for two weeks because of what he did. But Calvin wasn't angry, he was laughing with Hobbes as they watched Calvin's performance over and over again on the talent show's filmed video.

"Ha! Ha! Hahahah!" whooped Hobbes "Look at you go!"

"Yeah! Hee hee! Just wait until next year!"

"Why? What are you going to do for next year?"

"You'll see."

"That's you, Calvin, full of surprises!"

**THE END**


End file.
